Wow, well written! when I first came across this work, I had just started grad school, now I'm about to graduate... ... How time flies!
Though personally, I think the choice in chapter 6: 1. try to resolve the conflict peacefully and 2.prioritizing the protection of the kingdom ----shouldn't necessarily be mutually exclusive. In my opinion, to protect the kingdom, we should, one the one hand, involve using force to defend its citizens from elven attacks (including preventing tragedies like the village and the MC's replacement). On the other hand, since the elves are divided into two factions (and Maeve belongs to the more pacifist one), the human side ought to find a way to communicate with Maeve's faction, to reduce conflict or at least gather information about the elves' intentions ---- make more friends and fewer enemies.
However, choosing choice 2 immediately leads to capturing Maeve and severing the MC's only line of communication with the elves, which seems rather unwise. Meanwhile, choosing choice 1 and the next chapter suddenly reveals that "the elves are also MC's kin". But there was little depiction of the MC's sense of belonging to the elves. Aside from Maeve, there were no other elves we had a close relationship with. The elves still feel like a distant symbol ----which even causes the tragedy that befell the true child. This transition feels a bit abrupt.
Also, from what we've seen so far, the elves seem to have many ways to infiltrate the human territory, such as sending changelings or somehow learning about the MC's conversations with Vynn ---- yet the human side appears completely unable to counteract or even detect these incursions. That might make sense if humanity had only recently encountered the elves, but hasn't it already been a long time since they settled in this land?
In my point of view, the elves' use of changeling-child is a deeply serious violation against humanity. It's not just a matter of sending spies to gather intelligence of cause sabotage ---- it's an act that can spiritually end emotionally destroy families, and it also reflects a grave irresponsibility toward the changeling-child themselves. The MC happens to have supportive friends and family, but what if they weren't so fortunate? And what about the replaced human child, what kind of life they lead in the elves' world, what status do they hold there, and how do they view humanity after being taken away? Truly hope this topic will be explored in greater depth later on. No matter which routine the story takes -- perhaps especially in the "peaceful" one -- this feels like a can of worms that can't stay closed forever.
First of all, thank you so much for your indepth comments. There's no greater honour than having someone engage with your work on such a level. Your perspective is giving me something to think about, and that's very helpful when it comes to improving my storytelling. Also, awesome that you're graduating grad school!
I find it so interesting that your perspective is perhaps the complete opposite of some of the other readers. I've gotten comments about how clearly humanity is in the wrong because they are colonisers stealing the fae's native land, taking their resources, etc. I'm not going to offer up any arguments either way - I want to facilitate the debate, not sway it with 'authorial intent'.
It's just so fun to see the different responses to the same story. Of course, depending on what route you play you'll get different information and it'll inform your view, but also, depending on your view, different routes will open up to you. I noticed you said "1. try to resolve the conflict peacefully and 2.prioritizing the protection of the kingdom" but of course there's also option 3: side with the fae. I wonder if you just didn't mention it, or if you didn't unlock that option because it didn't align with your MCs opinions.
As for the route split feeling sudden, depending on how you played your MC, there's some truth to that. If I had more time, I think it'd be worth expanding on it. That's the main criticism I've been getting in general - that there just aren't enough choices for what players would like to do, or for how they would like to characterise the MC.
Moving on, I wonder if I should point out any misconceptions you have... If it's because you simply haven't come across that information in your playthrough, then it'd ruin the point if I tried informing you about it now. Though I think Maeve did mention early on that most fae aren't a part of either of the two courts, but rather acting as individuals. If that wasn't clear I think it's be worth pointing out again.
I will say, I do hope every route/ending will end up being satisfying in its own right. You can only get the big picture by playing through multiple routes, there's no getting around that, but I do hope every route will at least be internally coherent. It's sometimes difficult to keep track of everything I now, and everything a reader of a particular route knows.
Either way, I hope you'll continue enjoying where this story goes in the future!
for some reason it keeps referring to my MC by he?? but it also calls her "Lady ABC XYZ", should i restart and just something i misclicked or is it more likely to be a bug?
Well, gender and pronouns are two separate options, so it's possible you misclicked something. Also, be careful during the intermission after Chapter 1: it contains the option to change pronouns, so that's also something you could have accidentally clicked on. If it happened only once I'd think it might be a bug, but it sounds like it's constant? If you aren't too far in the story, restarting might be the easiest solution. I'll still take a look and see if I can find anything that might be a bug though.
ran into what feels like a bug/error (using a save from before chapter 10 so that might be the source of it). conversation with thianne away from az'lean and it seems like thianne was supposed to say something to az'lean afterwards but it got cut out for whatever reason. i have a save file but i don't know where would be the best place to get it to you, and again it may just be that the update broke my previous save
Hmm, I need a bit more info than that. Do you mean the scene where Thianne pulls the MC aside and warns them about the oath? Az'Lean isn't present at the end of that scene, so I'm not sure what you mean by 'was supposed to say something to Az'Lean afterwards'. Or do you mean something else?
It was MC pulling Thianne aside to talk (I think) about trying to convince azlean to work towards peace; thianne and mc then go back to azlean and he asks what they talked about, and that’s where it seems like there was missing text
Oh, now I know which scene you mean. Yes, there's an if-statement there that might not be showing up correctly, I'll look into it. Thanks for letting me know!
The update came at the best possible time, I just came from being left with a mixture of anger and frustration for some things I read in another story and being left with the cliffhanger at the end from its 3rd chapter just to find that the story is being rewritten, seeing that this was updated just brightened my day again.
(In case anyone is curious, that other story is "Love After Dead" you can see it and other cool stuff on my collection of if's on my profile)
Hehe, yes, thanks, but now that I have some of your attention, I wanted to ask you a slightly weird question, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but...
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Okay, I just had to start a new game because the previous ones were deleted and I don't even remember why (and I don't know if they would still work)., I just got to chapter 7A and I was wondering, when Az'Lean tells you that only he will decide when and how to use your abilities and that he will use you to your fullest, did he only talk about helping the kingdom or did he also talk about other things...
I'm sorry if the question makes you uncomfortable, as I said it's VERY weird, but I didn't want to be left wondering if it's just that or if it's really just my submissive side getting carried away by a character with such a dominant aura (plus something about how he acts when he says it makes it feel even more like that)
PS: I don't know if there's something wrong with how I wrote it, since my English is still pretty bad (at least in terms of writing and pronunciation) and the translator often messes up what I say.
Haha, I was expecting a worse question than that! I will say, you're not the first one to comment on it either. To be honest, when I first wrote that line, I wasn't thinking much of it, but then I read it back and went "Hmm... That's kind of... More suggestive than I meant it to be, but it works." So yes, the double meaning is more or less intentional. However, Az'Lean himself is really only thinking about the kingdom, he's too repressed to notice the way it comes across. He's just trying to sound threatening, which does play into his dominant aura, as you said. Maybe he'll figure it all out eventually ;)
Your English is absolutely fine by the way! No need to worry about that :)
If you need to scroll down to read the whole text and you then press either the settings or saves button while being on the bottom of the page, the popup windows that open are not visible to you. It appears that they are anchored to the top of the text (box?) area. It is bothersome but not game breaking. It should be possible to have them always open at a certain place on the screen instead. If you find the time, code and energy to do that, it would be much appreciated. If not, that's ok too. Just thought you might want to know...as it seemed like something that is most likely not intentional, but instead a bug of some sort.
I've actually gotten a report about that before, but I haven't been able to recreate it. It doesn't do that for me, when I test it the box is always centred in the middle of the screen. So I haven't quite figured out what causes that yet. I've been thinking it might be an issue in how it interacts with fullscreen, or perhaps it might be browser dependant. The last user who reported this issue was using Firefox, could you tell me what browser you are using, and if you're running the game in fullscreen or not?
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Wow, well written! when I first came across this work, I had just started grad school, now I'm about to graduate... ... How time flies!
Though personally, I think the choice in chapter 6: 1. try to resolve the conflict peacefully and 2.prioritizing the protection of the kingdom ----shouldn't necessarily be mutually exclusive. In my opinion, to protect the kingdom, we should, one the one hand, involve using force to defend its citizens from elven attacks (including preventing tragedies like the village and the MC's replacement). On the other hand, since the elves are divided into two factions (and Maeve belongs to the more pacifist one), the human side ought to find a way to communicate with Maeve's faction, to reduce conflict or at least gather information about the elves' intentions ---- make more friends and fewer enemies.
However, choosing choice 2 immediately leads to capturing Maeve and severing the MC's only line of communication with the elves, which seems rather unwise. Meanwhile, choosing choice 1 and the next chapter suddenly reveals that "the elves are also MC's kin". But there was little depiction of the MC's sense of belonging to the elves. Aside from Maeve, there were no other elves we had a close relationship with. The elves still feel like a distant symbol ----which even causes the tragedy that befell the true child. This transition feels a bit abrupt.
Also, from what we've seen so far, the elves seem to have many ways to infiltrate the human territory, such as sending changelings or somehow learning about the MC's conversations with Vynn ---- yet the human side appears completely unable to counteract or even detect these incursions. That might make sense if humanity had only recently encountered the elves, but hasn't it already been a long time since they settled in this land?
In my point of view, the elves' use of changeling-child is a deeply serious violation against humanity. It's not just a matter of sending spies to gather intelligence of cause sabotage ---- it's an act that can spiritually end emotionally destroy families, and it also reflects a grave irresponsibility toward the changeling-child themselves. The MC happens to have supportive friends and family, but what if they weren't so fortunate? And what about the replaced human child, what kind of life they lead in the elves' world, what status do they hold there, and how do they view humanity after being taken away? Truly hope this topic will be explored in greater depth later on. No matter which routine the story takes -- perhaps especially in the "peaceful" one -- this feels like a can of worms that can't stay closed forever.
First of all, thank you so much for your indepth comments. There's no greater honour than having someone engage with your work on such a level. Your perspective is giving me something to think about, and that's very helpful when it comes to improving my storytelling. Also, awesome that you're graduating grad school!
I find it so interesting that your perspective is perhaps the complete opposite of some of the other readers. I've gotten comments about how clearly humanity is in the wrong because they are colonisers stealing the fae's native land, taking their resources, etc. I'm not going to offer up any arguments either way - I want to facilitate the debate, not sway it with 'authorial intent'.
It's just so fun to see the different responses to the same story. Of course, depending on what route you play you'll get different information and it'll inform your view, but also, depending on your view, different routes will open up to you. I noticed you said "1. try to resolve the conflict peacefully and 2.prioritizing the protection of the kingdom" but of course there's also option 3: side with the fae. I wonder if you just didn't mention it, or if you didn't unlock that option because it didn't align with your MCs opinions.
As for the route split feeling sudden, depending on how you played your MC, there's some truth to that. If I had more time, I think it'd be worth expanding on it. That's the main criticism I've been getting in general - that there just aren't enough choices for what players would like to do, or for how they would like to characterise the MC.
Moving on, I wonder if I should point out any misconceptions you have... If it's because you simply haven't come across that information in your playthrough, then it'd ruin the point if I tried informing you about it now. Though I think Maeve did mention early on that most fae aren't a part of either of the two courts, but rather acting as individuals. If that wasn't clear I think it's be worth pointing out again.
I will say, I do hope every route/ending will end up being satisfying in its own right. You can only get the big picture by playing through multiple routes, there's no getting around that, but I do hope every route will at least be internally coherent. It's sometimes difficult to keep track of everything I now, and everything a reader of a particular route knows.
Either way, I hope you'll continue enjoying where this story goes in the future!
for some reason it keeps referring to my MC by he?? but it also calls her "Lady ABC XYZ", should i restart and just something i misclicked or is it more likely to be a bug?
Well, gender and pronouns are two separate options, so it's possible you misclicked something. Also, be careful during the intermission after Chapter 1: it contains the option to change pronouns, so that's also something you could have accidentally clicked on. If it happened only once I'd think it might be a bug, but it sounds like it's constant? If you aren't too far in the story, restarting might be the easiest solution. I'll still take a look and see if I can find anything that might be a bug though.
yeah, i think i missed the part in the very beginning where it has the pronouns option vs. gender option! it works for me now :)
big fan cant wait to see more. I think some options might be missing but i figure its because its still a demo lol. enjoyed it a lot!
ran into what feels like a bug/error (using a save from before chapter 10 so that might be the source of it). conversation with thianne away from az'lean and it seems like thianne was supposed to say something to az'lean afterwards but it got cut out for whatever reason. i have a save file but i don't know where would be the best place to get it to you, and again it may just be that the update broke my previous save
Hmm, I need a bit more info than that. Do you mean the scene where Thianne pulls the MC aside and warns them about the oath? Az'Lean isn't present at the end of that scene, so I'm not sure what you mean by 'was supposed to say something to Az'Lean afterwards'. Or do you mean something else?
It was MC pulling Thianne aside to talk (I think) about trying to convince azlean to work towards peace; thianne and mc then go back to azlean and he asks what they talked about, and that’s where it seems like there was missing text
Oh, now I know which scene you mean. Yes, there's an if-statement there that might not be showing up correctly, I'll look into it. Thanks for letting me know!
The update came at the best possible time, I just came from being left with a mixture of anger and frustration for some things I read in another story and being left with the cliffhanger at the end from its 3rd chapter just to find that the story is being rewritten, seeing that this was updated just brightened my day again.
(In case anyone is curious, that other story is "Love After Dead" you can see it and other cool stuff on my collection of if's on my profile)
I'm glad I was able to improve your day a little bit, that's really my ultimate goal :)
Hehe, yes, thanks, but now that I have some of your attention, I wanted to ask you a slightly weird question, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but...
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Okay, I just had to start a new game because the previous ones were deleted and I don't even remember why (and I don't know if they would still work)., I just got to chapter 7A and I was wondering, when Az'Lean tells you that only he will decide when and how to use your abilities and that he will use you to your fullest, did he only talk about helping the kingdom or did he also talk about other things...
I'm sorry if the question makes you uncomfortable, as I said it's VERY weird, but I didn't want to be left wondering if it's just that or if it's really just my submissive side getting carried away by a character with such a dominant aura (plus something about how he acts when he says it makes it feel even more like that)
PS: I don't know if there's something wrong with how I wrote it, since my English is still pretty bad (at least in terms of writing and pronunciation) and the translator often messes up what I say.
(I'm already regretting writing this)
Haha, I was expecting a worse question than that! I will say, you're not the first one to comment on it either. To be honest, when I first wrote that line, I wasn't thinking much of it, but then I read it back and went "Hmm... That's kind of... More suggestive than I meant it to be, but it works." So yes, the double meaning is more or less intentional. However, Az'Lean himself is really only thinking about the kingdom, he's too repressed to notice the way it comes across. He's just trying to sound threatening, which does play into his dominant aura, as you said. Maybe he'll figure it all out eventually ;)
Your English is absolutely fine by the way! No need to worry about that :)
#BUG REPORT#
On Chapter8C23, check the italic tags around the word "us" on the answer linking to Chapter8C24C
Thanks for letting me know!
Another thing I just noticed:
If you need to scroll down to read the whole text and you then press either the settings or saves button while being on the bottom of the page, the popup windows that open are not visible to you. It appears that they are anchored to the top of the text (box?) area. It is bothersome but not game breaking. It should be possible to have them always open at a certain place on the screen instead. If you find the time, code and energy to do that, it would be much appreciated. If not, that's ok too. Just thought you might want to know...as it seemed like something that is most likely not intentional, but instead a bug of some sort.
I've actually gotten a report about that before, but I haven't been able to recreate it. It doesn't do that for me, when I test it the box is always centred in the middle of the screen. So I haven't quite figured out what causes that yet. I've been thinking it might be an issue in how it interacts with fullscreen, or perhaps it might be browser dependant. The last user who reported this issue was using Firefox, could you tell me what browser you are using, and if you're running the game in fullscreen or not?
#BUG REPORT#
On Chapter10CL6, the link to next passage displays $playername instead of the MC' actual name.
really loved this game and im pretty close to finishing ch9 however thought i should comment about this bug i found